Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
