i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
