I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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