He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
