He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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