Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
