do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
