Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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