he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
