There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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