I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
