Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
