Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
