Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
