God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
