moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I supernannyed him into submission
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
