Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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