ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
