I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
