apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
