CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
