I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
