Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
