you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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