I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
