I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
