i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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