watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
