why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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