You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
