bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
