I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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