I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
