i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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