My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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