how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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