his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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