party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
