if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
