he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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