Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
