so let's talk penis.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
