My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's just like the Real World with babies
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
