Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
