so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The best revenge is premature balding
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
