Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
