i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
