Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
