it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
