dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
