i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm just crazy horny about you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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