he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
