Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
