Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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