I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
