the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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